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Depression - I'm on the downeaster alexa

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October 27th, 2011

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02:19 am - Depression

I've been fighting depression, for the past few days, mainly due to factors I can't control. I'm alone at home for at least the next few weeks, and while I normally have been doing okay with my privacy, it's setting in badly.

I've had a few negative encounters with a few people, and looking back, I can only view them as "social fail". Trip-ups where I said or did the wrong thing, and haven't been able to adequately recover. I'm beating myself up, perhaps, more than I should. But perhaps just enough.

The house has been on a slow drift toward chaos...I've been letting the dishes sit, letting papers sit unfiled, my car's been a mess. Projects have been feeling unfinished.

Work feels the same. Nothing gets driven through to completion. Even when there's significant progress, things get stuck for weeks or more at the 90 percent mark.

The only thing I can do here is drive the change. I'm about to have some coffee, and then I'm going to get this place, this gorgeous place that made me so happy, cleaned up.

(5 comments | Leave a comment)


[User Picture]
Date:October 27th, 2011 07:07 am (UTC)
I'm flying up to visit my cousin in Oakland for Thanksgiving. I would love a chance to come say hi that Friday.
[User Picture]
Date:October 27th, 2011 11:19 am (UTC)
::Long distance huggles::

[User Picture]
Date:October 27th, 2011 01:06 pm (UTC)
Depression is holding onto a negative idea and filtering everything through that lens. You have to walk away from it, and do the things you need to do in order to get better. It's good that you can see your environment slipping; that gives you a path to follow and some actions to take to reverse the trend.

Everyone beats themselves up over "social fail" scenarios. You're not obligated to do it over and over. "Enough" is once so you can see where you went "wrong" and file it away for later. If you're stuck on it you need to talk yourself through letting yourself off the hook. Everyone is human; everyone makes mistakes. The other person(s) probably didn't even notice what you think is a huge deal. Be kind to yourself. This is harder than it looks.

[User Picture]
Date:October 27th, 2011 01:38 pm (UTC)
Sounds like you could use a hug.

You, me, coffee sometime soon?
[User Picture]
Date:October 30th, 2011 01:21 am (UTC)
Big hugs. If it goes on for more than a month, go talk to someone. A healthy head is as important as a healthy body, and should be treated just as seriously.

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